I Need To Kill My Cat

I Need to Kill My Cat

I adopted my cat Obie from the Humane Society, after a friend heard I wanted to get a new cat. Obie had been his cat, and after having a baby he had given Obie to a coworker to take care of “for a while”. He had been paying the coworker for food and litter expenses, and one day she handed him a letter saying she couldn't take care of the cat and had taken him to the Humane Society.

The official reason for the surrender of the cat listed in his Humane Society file was “Needs room to run”. Interesting, because Obie is the laziest, fattest cat ever. He hates running. He needs to stop and take a nap after climbing stairs. The real reason for him being surrendered to the Humane Society, and probably the initial reason for the dumping of the cat with the coworker, is Obie loves pissing all over everything.

He has pissed on my mattress (bought new less then 1 year before being pissed on, $800), my 1200 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets ($200), my 100% down filled Egyptian cotton comforter ($200), my favorite bomber jacket I've had since I was 15 ($150 + 16 years of sentimental attachment=$4200), myself (fair market value $43,000 in organs alone), every corner of every carpet in my apartment (probably worth very little, but constantly cleaning carpets at the average carpet cleaning wage of $14.07/hour amounts to about $6,500 so far), and so on and so forth.

He has been to the vet several times. His problem is not life threatening, nor extremely painful for the cat. It is also chronic, not easily treated and will not go away for any amount of money, ever. The vet explained it was a mild urinary tract problem which causes the cat discomfort when using the litter pan. The cat associates the pain of urination with the litter pan, and attempts to alleviate the pain by pissing elsewhere. I gave my vet the “I'm not stupid, give me the straight story” look, and she finally admitted that, yes, the cat is just pissing everywhere because he thinks it's funny.

This is one of those times in life where one really wishes they were an asshole. The two assholes that played tag with the cat before could not bring themselves to euthanize the animal, and passed the problem on without disclosing it. They probably felt perfectly fine doing so, and may have patted themselves on the back thinking they were such big animal lovers who were giving the animal a second chance by letting someone else deal with it.

One thing is for sure; I do not like the smell of cat pee. If I liked it, it would not be a problem. I've tried. If I could have a girl over to my apartment and have her say “Oh wow, your place really smells like cat pee! I actually wear it as cologne sometimes because I love that smell so much.” I would be good. The moral issues of “is this animals life worth more than my possessions and me having to live in a state of slight disgust?” and “what if it clears itself up in a month and you kill the cat and never find out” are not easily answered. God forbid I ever have a child with some sort of terrible illness...