Umm... Can I Have My Penis Back?

Last night I browsing my Netflix "watch instantly" queue, when I stumbled across an old gem that I have always had the intention to watch but haven't gotten around to yet.

"Teeth" is a satirical thriller/horror movie that makes social commentary on the ongoing problem that our young women today are experiencing that is "vagina dentata." What is vagina dentata you might ask? Well duh, its Latin for toothed vagina. Read a fucking book. 

The movie starts with a strong theme in religious sexual "purity" with the Jonas Brothers rings and everything. After a startling sexual assault by one of her "purity" classmates, the main character Dawn finds out that she has the ability to sever any penis, finger or any thing else that is in her vagina that she doesn't feel comfortable with. This power turns into a moral struggle that I think most young women who suffer from vagina dentata deal with. Should I use my um condition to cleanse the world of bad dudes, or should I figure out a way to control my vagina? I know i know, it has to be a terribly difficult decision for the thousands of young suburban American women who suffer from vagina dentata to have to face on a daily basis. The movie covers the pitfalls and the glory of both promiscuity and abstinence as well as the power one has with a toothed vagina. Amazing.

For all the young women out there who have teeth in their vagina, there is help out there. Watch this movie, it will shine a light on your vagina like never before. Plus there is this scene where one of the severed penises totally gets eaten by a dog right in front of the dude. Awesome!