How do I put this?

As I was drifting off to sleep to my television program of choice: Frasier (something about his voice just soothes me into unconsciousness)...I heard another glorious sound. It may come as a shock to some, but there is a show called Reba on (another shocker) Lifetime Television for women. The show stars Reba McEntire...and the best part is, she sings her own theme song! Are you even allowed to do that? Isn't that sort of like wearing the t-shirt of the band you're in? It got me thinking about other shows where the star sings their own theme song but all I could come up with was Walker, Texas Ranger, staring the impeccable acting and vocal stylings of Chuck Norris. Now I'm curious...what other actors think they're the only ones who can do the job right? Reba McEntire and Chuck Norris can't be the only ones, right?

God, I love a verbal challenge. Even when I lose.

Wall Posts and Messages between my friend Joe and I. Everything Joe says is like a burst of sunshine in your butt crack.

Joe: Chodey Foster

Joe:To find your prince, sometimes you gotta kiss a few chodes.

Me: I was just listening to your favorite band in college. The Chodies. And I just watched a movie from your favorite director, Steven Choderberhg. Enjoying an ice-cold choda-pop now.

Joe: Thanks for asking, rehab's going excellently!! No more Icehouse for this co-captain; strictly ChO'Douls

Me: Hey! I wanted to go online and write you an e-mail but my chodem wasn't working.

Here's my fave tangent

Joe: can you help me with this froner?

Me: looks like arthritis or maybe bursitis. It's definitely some kind of an itis.

Joe: I got a second opinion; turns out to be a bad case of the whistlin' chup-a-chups. May I borrow your hot water bottle and some Epsom salts?

Me: Oh man. not WCAC. Man my grandpa had that. Apparently that only happens when the testicles are constricted by being old as fuck and of course wearing polyester blend suit pants too many days in a row without washing. Maybe fabreez isn't the answer?

Joe: WCAC (pronounced VUH-KAK), amongst medical professionals and Scientologists that know their shit, is also known as the scrotal stenchy-clenchy. And surprisingly, Fabreez is actually a great deoderizer and works as a balming agent against the constriction, overall gootch tightening, and the dreaded rusty ball-bearings.

In fact, Fabreez has been announced as the top sponser for the 2009 WCAC Father Daughter 110 Decameter Sack Race/Pie Raffle held at Pastor Erickson's backyard grotto. It promises to be a real heavy-petter of a spiritual experience.

Awkward

Courtesy of awkwardboners.com, here's one for all you Yankee fans out there: