Gluttons For Themselves

So I was browsing my favorite liberal propaganda blog site The Huffington Post, when I came across a very gut wrenching headline. The headline reads as follows:  "Coldplay, The Killers, and Bono play the best encore ever." The best encore ever? Really? 

First of all what kind of narrow minded bias arrogant prick would write that about any band, let alone England's reincarnated version of the Monkeys, Americas Frat boys turned drug pop morons, and Ireland's foremost egotistical douche bag? 

After I calmed down a bit, I got to thinking. This article was probably written by Coldplay, The Killers, and Bono!It makes perfect sense! Chris Martin (lead douche of Coldplay) was once quoted in reference to one of their songs on the upcoming release of their smash album "Viva La Vida Or Death and All His Friends" as "The greatest song ever written." (see other awesome Douche Martin quotes here) He wouldn't say which one, you would have to buy the album to find out.

Then we have The Killers. These guys give a whole new meaning to "Brodeo." Hey Killers, just because you banged a couple hot girls and figured out that Cocaine and Valium are pretty kick ass, doesn't make your music or your band any more interesting. You aren't the first guys to take a stripper home and do lines off her ass while playing a keyboard!

Finally Bono. This guy honestly believes he is bigger  than the music he "creates."  In fact he believes he is a true gift to society. Granted he has done a lot of great work for the AIDS crisis and other social causes around the world, he hasn't put out a decent album since "War." I cant help but feel that his social causes are a selfish attempt to line his own pockets. (2006 Virtigo tour grossed 376 million dollars in revenue.) Bono gives his own meaning to self righteous pretension.

In closing, "the greatest encore ever?" Maybe. The greatest display of douchebagery? Definitely.

 

One Good Duff Demands Another

So, I guess I'm going to ride Graham's coattails on this one. Duff McKagan? I love him. Seriously. Perhaps my favorite junkie-turn-politico rocker. Hands down. I caught the Playboy article. And a bunch of the other things he's been writing lately. He's a regular blogger for the Seattle Weekly, and some of his thoughts aren't bad. Or at least aren't worse than mine. But there is something a little strange in the air - the things coming out of his head, I mean. Financial Advice? Commentary on the new Era of Responsibility? I mean I realize the new president has ushered in a sense that all citizen's opinions matter, but I still can't shake the feeling that maybe some professionals should stick to what they're good at? Yeah, yeah, I'm a little conservative. Everyone has a right to an opinion. Blah, blah. But freedom is not only about the freedom to, it includes the freedom from - a concept ignored by entertainers on a number of levels. Personally, I enjoy the freedom from thinking they're idiots, the freedom from having to sift through a myre of garbled, reactionary distractions when I just want to rock. So Duff, you have opinions. I can deal with that. It's cool. But maybe don't seem so confident tackling all the world's problems one blog post at a time? I mean Ani DiFranco writes political poems and recites them in the middle of her concerts and thousands of infuriatingly blind liberal college women take it as truth. All it takes is five minutes and an acoustic guitar and a whole $100,000 education is wiped out. Rendered useless. Ignored. It's a fucking disaster. Don't be like that. Please. I know it isn't your responsibility that they/we don't ever research our opinions or think of the total cost of our actions, but this is the New Era of Responsibility, remember?

Finance advise from Duff??

I've just spent some quality "alone time" in my bathroom with the most recent copy of Playboy magazine. Now, as I'm sure most of you agree, I read this publication purely for the articles (seeing as there is way better free porn available online) but I was, and I'm not exaggerating here, blindsided by the financial advise given in the stocks and bonds markets!!

I love Duff, but really???

Good Morning, Photo

Saw this truck on the way to work this morning. I think its a new design for carrying large crooked things like couches or giraffes.

big bad world

I'm a pretty paranoid person. For instance, when I go to throw my garbage down the trash chute, I am convinced someone is hiding behind the door ready to shove me down the chute. Where did this paranoia come from? So now instead of just throwing my trash away like a normal person I have to make a big scene swinging open the door to make sure no one is lurking behind it. I've spent more than a few hours debating internally a) why anyone would do this b) why anyone would care enough c) if I would actually fit down there and d) what sorts of things I'd see, assuming I made it to the dumpster and didn't get stuck in the chute.

Imagine my relief when I realized I could blame this all on television. I remembered waaaaaay back to J646: Mass Media and the Consumer and the 'Big Bad World Theory.' I'm guessing that's not the scientific name. And you also don't exactly have to be a genius to realize that my 8 hour Law and Order marathons might have a little something to do with the fact that I think someone has the LAMEST life ever and just sits in a 3 x 5 foot room waiting to toss victims down a trash chute.

It makes me wonder if other people have these weird fears like I do. My friend Adam is afraid of turkeys. That's pretty hilarious. Anyone else care to share?

Everyone Load Your Guns

Today was a special day for me. 

I met one of my heroes Tom Bulleit. Tom is the head distiller of Bulleit bourbon, which in my opinion is the best bourbon you can get your drinking hands on for the price. Bulleit (pronounced just like the ammunition that occupies your side arm) has been a part of my drinking pride for about two years now, but has recently gained in popularity which to my joy has made it much more accessible. For the first year or so I would have to special order it from my local liquor joint, but now I can find it almost anywhere I find myself wetting my lips. 

My advice to anyone who cares for it is this: Put down your Jameson shots, your Macallan neat, and even your Powers on the rocks. Pick up the Bulleit, weather it is neat, on the rocks or shaken up in a delicious Manhattan, this fine spirit will constantly keep your gun loaded and give you the marksmanship that you need for a night out on the town. 

With Great Fur Comes Great Responsibility

Do not serve this girl!

My dearest JM was telling me about his lady's "evil" fur coat. At first I thought it was haunted or something but he told me that when she wears it, she adopts quite the 'tude. Totally ballin' and parties way too hard. As I thought about it, I realized the last time I wore my fur coat I was falling out of cabs and throwing up in bar bathroom stalls. Classy lady, I know. My fur is ripped to shreds and has blood stains on it, but I still love it. I think it may be the most ballin' item of clothing I own. The fur makes us take on an alternate personality. Which means we obviously need to have a fur coat party. Hopefully we all make it out alive.

FLOE RIDA

As I walk into work yesterday, two of my kitchen staff guys are sitting at the bar giggling at the local news paper. Of course I inquire as to what it is that they are laughing about, and they point to an article that reports about three UW Eau Claire students who decided it would be a good idea to hop on a large floe of ice that had broken off and was floating down the Chippewa river.

"What?" You may be asking. "Yes!" is my response. You can read the full article here

I have never been really proud of my hometown, but this seals the deal.

Farewell Eau Claire, I will no longer wonder why your student population is dying in the Chippewa river.

I think that I went to Far

I remember one time when my friend Jacy invited me over to his sweet pad to see some of his video collection. One of the choice smut flicks he showed me involved an amputee, a prosthetic leg and a sweet 70's mustache among other things i've probably mentally blocked at this point. Anyways, after this film I remember saying aloud but mostly to myself, "I think I wish I hadn't just watched that and I probably don't need to see something like that ever again."

Well today I had a similar feeling after I listened to the 911 call of the recent incident involving chimpanzee attacking a lady and essentially biting off both of her hands and eating her face.

I wish I hadn't of done that.

listen here at NY Daily News

Is 'unimpressed' a word?

I am not thrilled with the new Marc by Marc. It's like all of his time and thought went into making the Collection line as insane as possible that he gave up and just dug out his old designs from Perry Ellis in 1992. Thoughts?

Meet Keith

Keith the 10 foot boa constrictor was terrorizing loos across London a few years back, popping in from time to time to check on his fave cheeky brits. I stumbled across Keith after reading about a Brooklyn boy's b-day bash crashed by a boa constrictor. Quietly coloring on the couch, Jhomar Bennett 'felt something on his back'. Lo and behold a constrictor was hiding out in his couch cushion. It is thought the snake slithered in via the WC. Hello heart attack. Full scoop from the Daily News

Mmmmm...dinner.

I started smoking again. There's something about the dead of winter that makes me want to chain smoke. This confuses me because I live in really, really super serious cold. I hadn't smoked in almost a year because it suddenly became disgusting to me. Now out of nowhere it's back to being delicious? I don't get it. 

NEW SHOW ANNOUNCEMET:

My newish band called the Dead Sparrows are playing at Piano's on Wed. February 25th at 8:00 pm...yes 8 pm.

I remember when I would just be wrapping up my arts and crafts for the night and getting ready to head to bed at 8 pm to get up for school at 6:30 am. Man how the times change...8 pm seems really early to me now, but not too early to rock faces!

the show features Des Roar and Gringo Starr as well squares

Grab your Hats

Most of us may know by now that JM likes to put on his conductor's hat and overalls, cover himself in coal, and run the tracks in the spirit of America's great transportation classic. He should be happy to hear that this was slipped in at the last minute in last week's negotiations.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0209/18924.html

Nothing like $6 billion to get the old hobo juices flowing and start riding the rails.